A Great Need
“Out of a great need we are all holding hands, And climbing. Not loving is a letting go. Listen, the terrain around here is far too dangerous for that.”
Poet Hafiz
This summer has been a hard one for me and for my family. When I am sad, I isolate. And this summer, I did a lot of isolating. A certain amount of alone time for reflection is great, that’s not what I’m talking about here. I have learned a few things about how I contract and isolate.
I compare. I compare how I am doing with others or with my own expectations. Just the other day, I noticed my reaction to a friend who seems to have boundless energy. She was working on several campaigns, canning fruit and spending quality time with her family. She was smiling the whole time. In contrast, I felt like slacker with a chip on my shoulder. Comparing myself to my energetic, passionate friend just made me feel really crummy about myself, and even worse, more distant and disconnected from my friend. A double whammy of unhappiness. This awareness alone might have made me feel worse. Fortunately I remembered the other wing of wisdom is compassion. I reminded myself of this quote by Sylvia Boorstien, “you are in pain. Relax. Take a breath. Let’s pay attention to what is happening. Then we’ll figure out what to do.” Acknowledge the pain. Relax and connect to the body, pay attention or witness the situation. Pause. Then there will be time to figure out a solution.
After taking some time to simply notice what was happening, I was able to figure out what to do. I turned my focus to my appreciation for my friend’s boundless energy and good spirit. I noticed all the ways we are the same in our longing for acceptance and appreciation. I felt connected. I was able to acknowledge my own small accomplishments more easily. I wanted to reach out to her and see the ways we compliment each other. It felt wonderful.
I live in a town where competition is rife. Not just among uber athletes but among parents as well. It seems to go with the territory. It is common. Next time you feel dispirited and are isolating by comparing yourself to another parent, or comparing your child to someone else’s child– try this. Look for connections. How are you similar? How can you help each other and share skills?
ON THE MAT
Making connections on the mat is a great antidote to feeling disconnected internally. When we feel our feet on the ground and raise our crown to the sky, we create one long line of energy. When we match our breath to our movement we feel a deep connection and sense of unity. When we create realistic expectations and then meet them on the mat, we feel connected and whole. If you’re tired, set out to do just one sun salutation and then spend some time relaxing on the floor. Notice the way the breath is connected to the movement, and the movement is connected to how you feel.
OFF THE MAT
Next time you fee as if everyone has it more together than you do, remember this… facebook profiles are not realistic indicators of how we are doing. Each of us is walking around in some phase of healing a wound. It is through connection and reaching out to others that we find common ground, love and healing. Even a simple connection with someone you intersect with briefly can have the potential to uplift you both. We all are longing to be seen and met. “Out of a great need, we are all holding hands and climbing…”
Alison Rogers is Alison Rogers Ed.D is a therapist in Boulder, CO. She also teaches The Yoga of Parenting workshops and provides individual Yoga Of Parenting sessions for parents at all stages of of this wobbly path.
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