Have you ever found that ideal balance in yoga class between following the instructor and your own internal cues? You come into Warrior 1, you drop the tailbone, square the hips and suddenly you own the pose. You pay attention to the movement of the group, you hear the sounds of breathing and music, but you are also tuned into your own body. This is the sweet spot. It may come occasionally and it may be fleeting but it is delicious. We flow with a group and we are completely in our body.
We can have this sweet spot as parents, too. We are in tune with our baby or child, but we also feel our feet on the floor, we sense our mood, we notice our breath. We are meeting the needs of our child, and at the same time, aware of our own experience. In these moments we are not concerned about being a good parent or our child being a good child, we are simply being a parent with our child. These moments come as gifts. Can we savor them? When we train in this internal/external shift of awareness we have more of these moments. Our brains become more flexible and we can shift smoothly between the internal and external until it feels as if we are attuned to both ourself and our child simultaneously.
On The Mat
As you roll out your mat before class ask yourself, “how do I feel?” “What do I need right now?” “Do I need to stretch, to strengthen, to rest and rejuvenate?” Take time to listen to your body, your breath, your mind and mood. As parents, we bury our needs and desires so deeply that it can take time for us to hear what they are telling us. We have to clear away the distractions in order to listen and then we hear the whisper that grows more audible with time. As you go through your practice, notice how you can shift your attention from the room and the instructor to your alignment, breath and movement. Notice when a posture is not quite right for you, can you modify it so that it feels better? If you take child’s pose to rest, what does it feel like to rejoin the group, knowing you followed your body’s cues?
This skill of tuning in to self and tuning into other is repeated over and over again in yoga. This is another reason that yoga is the perfect training ground for parenting.
Off The Mat
This week, notice how you can be lost in your own thoughts and not noticing your child, or you may be attending to your child but not aware of yourself. This is normal. When you tune into yourself, you may find that you are hungry or tired or need to go to the bathroom. In these moments, bring your attention to both your own internal experience and your child. You can do this by simply holding your child and feeling her warmth and breath while feeling your own body’s warmth and breath. How does that alter your relationship? Do you feel more connected, more present?
When you find yourself in one of these sweet spots, take some time to appreciate how it feels, knowing that you are making it easier to find the sweet spot more often and more easily.
“May we all be happy, may we all feel at ease, may we all find that sweet spot.”
Alison Rogers is a psychotherapist and yoga teacher specializing in families with young children and women in transition. She loves living and working in Boulder, CO. You can contact her at info at theyogaofparenting dot com
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