“But I also say this: that light is an invitation to happiness, and that happiness, when it’s done right, is a kind of holiness, palpable and redemptive. ”
–Mary Oliver
Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I used to walk through a small village on my way to the office. I would see mothers laughing lovingly with their small children as they made their way to the park or to breakfast. They looked so happy and carefree as I rushed forward, already feeling tense and late for an appointment. I would be seized with envy for these moms with their children. I would long for my own children, whom I had just dropped at daycare, and for a day without meetings and appointments.
Other days, I would be out walking with my sons in the stroller, and wouldn’t you know it, I would look longingly at the woman alone with a cup of coffee in hand, paper under her arm walking in peace and quiet toward her important job. I might feel aimless or unimportant or bored. I was either absorbed in the pressures from work and missed feeling the satisfaction and sense of purpose, or I was absorbed in the boredom and frustration of parenting and missed the feelings of freedom and connection. There are so many cultural reasons we mothers feel torn and pulled in different directions. But, I also wasn’t paying attention to the good and taking it in.
What I know now is that our brains are Teflon for good experiences and Velcro for the negative. Our brains have been hardwired through evolution to be on the lookout for danger. We didn’t learn to survive by lying on our backs feeling the sun on our face. As a result we often feel anxious, or alternatively when out of danger or on hold, we feel bored. But we can rewire our brains to feel more joy, satisfaction and gratitude by practicing what Rick Hanson calls “taking in the good”. I am trying to learn to do this, join me.
We can do this if we:
- Look for a positive fact, and let it become a positive experience. (My sons are healthy; we are out in the fresh air on a nice morning with time together free of the pressures from my other job).
- Savor the positive experience, sustain it for 5, or 10 seconds, feel it in the body and emotions, and intensify it. (I could savor the feel of the sun on my face, notice the lack of work pressure feel my body relax.)
- Sense and intend that the positive experience is soaking into your being like light or warmth being absorbed, registering it deeply in emotional memory. It isn’t clinging to, but internalizing the experience. (I could have absorbed the feelings of contentment and freedom, allowing them to sink more deeply so that on days at work I would remember the time with my sons rather than long for it.)
On The Matt—
I love Yoga because every time we come onto our mat we have another opportunity for a positive experience. We can do this just by noticing that we have these few moments to breathe and move and reconnect.
- As you take your seat, notice your experience, savor the good and imagine this feeling soaking into your body like a warm light warming your muscles and softening your heart and defenses.
- Inhale the arms up to the sky, elbows bent, scooping all that is good, and exhale them back down, move in rhythm with the breath. Repeat 3 or 4 times. Notice the warmth that is building in the shoulders.
- Move onto knees and hands and flow cat cow with the breath and move with fluidity feel the stretch on the side body, the core warming up.
- Keep this awareness as you move into sun salutations.
- Finish your practice with a strong standing posture like warrior. Feel the strength of your thighs as you find your edge by holding warrior; feet grounded strongly, upper body floating upward by engaging the core. Notice the strength in your thighs, take in this wonderful experience of your own strength.
- End in Shavasana, the perfect place to become a sponge absorbing all the good in this moment.
Off The Mat—
When you wake up in the morning set an intention to take in the good at least once during the day. These days when I wake up, the mountain I love dearly, is lit up from the sun rising to the east. I am absorbing the wonder and beauty of it each morning. Then at the end of the day, remind yourself of what it felt like to take in the good, let the memories soak in and relive the moment. As you begin to build memories of taking in the good, you will notice more balance as the good memories compete for the negative bias we all have. I am already noticing a difference. I am more relaxed less armored against the world.
It is so much easier to feel gratitude when we have noticed, experienced and absorbed the good for which we are grateful.
Journal Prompts—
- This week make a list of each experience of taking in the good. “The story of good begins”.
May we all notice the good, may we all savor the good, may we all remember the good”
Happy Thanksgiving! Let me know how it went.
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