Contagion: In Praise of Emotional Diversity

“I caught the happy virus last night

When I was out singing beneath the stars.

It is remarkably contagious–So kiss me.”   Hafiz

Have you ever felt energetic and happy and then moments later, for no apparent reason, felt down, lethargic or angry?  It could be that you “caught” someone else’s mood.  Scientists are learning more everyday about the mirror neurons in our brains that cause us to pick up and mimic the moods of others around us. It’s sort of like yawning when the person next to you yawns.

Like Hafiz, we can catch and spread happiness, too.  Remember the day your infant or toddler was sick for the third day in a row, there were diapers all over, and no end in sight? You called your friend or sister in despair, and by the time you hung up, you had laughed, maybe cried, and felt like you could go on, again.  We feel better just connecting and being heard, but part of what happens in interactions, is that we take on the mood states of others. Some of us are more sensitive and vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed by another person’s distress, but we all experience emotional contagion to one degree or another.

You may think, “I should avoid cranky, unhappy people”. But this is not necessary, wise or even possible; especially when that cranky person happens to be your toddler or partner. There is an alternative to catching negative moods or avoiding people. We can cultivate emotional immunity by welcoming all mood states, shared or solo.

Microbial diversity is essential to health. We benefit from the millions of various bacteria in our environment and other than the more rare virulent and dangerous ones, they balance each other out. In the same way, all of us, including our children, benefit from experiencing a wide range of normal emotional experiences, including loss, frustration, loneliness, anger and fear. Without fear, we can’t recognize the comfort of safety, without sadness we miss it’s sister, joy. If we protect ourselves or our children from unpleasant emotions  out of  fear, we invariably avoid, numb and miss out on the pleasant ones as well. By experiencing uncomfortable emotions we become

• more tolerant,
• more resilient,
• more compassionate
• healthier

There is growing evidence that practicing yoga, especially mindful yoga with self-compassion, can boost both physiologic and emotional immunity. By strengthening the core body we become more stable and aware of moving from our center out. With strengthened boundaries, awareness, tolerance and compassion we can recognize when we have caught someone’s mood. We can accept our experience, calm our own nervous system and then be available to calm another. This is a wonderful gift to give yourself and the world.

On The Mat—

• Start in Tadasana, standing pose. Take several slow deep breaths, exhales as long as the inhale. This is called a 1:1 breathing pattern.
• Bring your attention down to your feet. Simply notice where your feet are on the mat in relationship to your hips. Widen the feet to hips width.
• Bring your attention to your arches and imagine you are pulling them up and out. Raise all ten toes into the air. Now drop the toes but retain the lift in your arches. Engage the muscles of the inner thighs; lift the pubic bone up. Remember to breathe. Lift the solar plexus and allow the shoulders to drop back and down. Lift the crown of the head. As you continue to breathe, engage the pelvic floor muscles on each exhale. Repeat for three full breaths.  Feel the core body engaged, energized.
• Take three slow sun salutations. For a challenge, try hanging plank if your belly is strong. Move from the core. Breathe deeply.
• End your practice in child’s pose with your forehead on a soft block and simply breathe and release, calming the nervous system.
• Daily practice strengthens our emotional immunity by building new pathways in the brain, increasing strength and flexibility and decreasing cortisol levels, which are, know to be correlated with ongoing stress.

Off The Mat—

• Notice when you have shifts of mood when you are with someone close to you. As you notice, recognize that your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
• Check in with your breath and body. Notice any tension in the breath or muscles. See if you can listen and get your own breath slowed and extended.
• Allow your attention to come from your core.
• Open your vision to include the space around the person you are with, noticing what they are going through or feeling. You can care for them without having to fix them. You can care without rejecting or taking on their feelings.  Let them know that you can stay present and calm and allow them to have their own feelings.
• This works beautifully during a young child’s tantrum before problem solving can begin.
• Soon there will be a shift and then another. Perhaps within minutes everyone will be smiling again.

Journaling Prompts-

What do I do, when I am with someone who is sad or angry?

How does it feel if I tune into myself with compassion and strength while staying present with another in distress?

 

“May we all be safe, may we all be at ease, and may we all be strong”.