“Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate.” Anne Lamott
I had a friend who once said, “I have a baby on my boob, a partner who wants sex, and all I really want is to be left alone.”
Dr. Sara Gottfried asked a large group of women if they would choose “Mission Paris”, a fantasy about having a lover in Paris or “Mission Nap”, a long nap in a in a luxury suite in an anonymous city. Guess what the whopping majority chose? Yup, the nap in a luxury suite, all alone. How do we sustain our most important relationships when we feel depleted and just want to take a long nap?
Sometimes, the best way to improve the quality of our relationships is to have time alone. Time to connect compassionately with ourselves. Time to hear our own voice. Time to learn to be our own best friend. Time to nap. When we feel nourished, safe, and relaxed, we can see and hear others more clearly, we can nurture and cultivate connections with them.
This week in the continuing series on the Healthy Mind Platter we bring our attention to how we nurture our connections with the folks we most love.
On The Mat—
This week roll out your yoga mat as if you are doing it for a dear friend. Seated or lying down on your mat, check in with your body. As you start to notice your breath, do a body scan head to toe. Notice the places you feel good, the places you are tight or sore. What is your emotional weather? Is it stormy or calm, languid or energetic? If you feel low energy start stretching on the floor or on hands and knees. If you are full of energy, perhaps even agitated, start by doing some vigorous warm-ups from a standing posture.
Pick poses that will stretch and move the tight and sore areas of your body. At the end of your practice, begin to breathe in through the heart and out through the solar plexus. Imagine space all around you, within you. With each inhale and exhale feel more space. Imagine that you are seeing yourself from far away and you are surrounded by spaciousness. Rest in the sweet, empty space for at least three minutes. Check in again with yourself and notice any changes in your physical body and your emotions.
Off the Mat—
This week notice the quality of your interactions with people. Do you find it difficult to listen and empathize? Grab a few minutes alone, the bathroom is fine. Try this loving kindness practice and see if it helps you to strengthen your heart connection to yourself and others. Start by relaxing the neck and jaw, breath slowly and deeply for three breaths, think of someone that you easily love, and imagine his or her face. Traditionally, in Buddhist metta practice the phrases, “May you be safe, may you be at ease, may you be happy,” are said in a heartfelt way. Pick the words that suite you. You can almost imagine your heart growing warmer and larger. Then you can wish the same for yourself, “may I be safe, may I be at ease, and may I be happy”. If, like many people, you find it hard to wish that for yourself, focus on your desire to love and be loved, and then send that part of yourself some kindness. You can finish up by wishing the safety, ease and happiness of all others. This literally can be done in one or two minutes, quickly enough that people won’t come pounding on the bathroom door.
Journaling: What three things can I do to replenish my own heart, body and mind, so that I can connect deeply with the ones I care about?
Or Just Take a Nice Long Nap and Enjoy….
“May we all be safe, May we all be rested, May we all feel love.”
Leave a Reply